In which a sausage roll causes a nasty injury

Thursday dawned bright and relatively clear and with a maximum forecast temperature of 19C – another (almost) perfect riding day. I rang the other riders to remind them of the ride and arranged to meet Bob at Mt Evelyn for a 12.45 pm start. It looked like we were even going to get a full turnout of club members for a change.

I arrived at Mt Evelyn and looked out for Bob. No sign of him. After waiting for about 10 minutes I was a bit worried that the old guy had gone back to sleep again in his rocking chair, so I decided to give him a ring on his mobile. I quickly learned that his memory had slipped a few more cogs and he was waiting for me at Wandin! It’s a wonder that he manages to ever find his way home.

After taking off in pursuit down the big hill I joined up with Bob and we both headed down to meet John and Mal. Bob had resurrected his “plastic fantastic” after his unfortunate incident with the Bismark last weekend. Apparently the Bismark is still at the panelbeaters and won’t be ready for few days yet. With a tail wind behind us we pedalled off in high spirits and at a slow/high speed.

Although John had parked at Woori Yallock he decided to unleash his riding legs by doning his summer shorts and riding back to meet us near Killara. At this stage we both noticed that Bob had apparently been spending some tiem at the beauty parlor since our last ride – his legs had somehow gained an instant bronze tan !!! I always thought that shaving your legs was a bit strange, but I think that a spray on tan is really going a bit far. Maybe I will order those Dean Woods inflatable calf implants after all.

With an impressive turn of power pedalling I managed to lead the sprint to Woori Yallock where Mal was waiting to show off his new car. We somehow resisted the urge to lean our bikes up the side of the new shiny paint and set off towards the lights (and lunches) of Warburton.

In spite of the speed restrictions on the track we still managed to reach the watering hole on time (and even managed to pursuade John to try riding the bitumen bypass around Yarra Junction). We clogged into the coffee shop and ordered the usual compliment of coffees and cakes but when we sat down to eat an unfortunate and unusual incident occured.

I had placed my sausage roll on a paper bag on the table in front of me when a huge gust of wind sprang up from nowhere and picked up the bag, sausage roll and all, and hurled it over the edge of the table towards destruction. At this stage my lightning reflexes came into play, obviously honed by my hours of serious physical training.

I snatched out with my left hand and managed to secure a juggling catch of the errant sausage midway between the table top and the dirt. The unfortunate result was that, although the sausage roll was saved, my hand was almost a write off. When I looked down it was covered with blood, all over it even and dripping down on to the ground. I was obviously mortally wounded but I withstood the pain and trauma with tremendous courage. Although weak with blood loss I neverthess outlined my plans about an epic ride from Skipton to Ballarat and prepared for the worst.

After lunch I realised that the red liquid dripping from my hand was only tomato sauce from the flying sausage roll, so I faced the return ride with renewed enthusiasm. We made it as far as Launching Place without incident but then Bob decided to stage another one of his spectacular falls, this time right at the traffic lights. Fortunately the plastic bike seemed to escape unscathed, but the fall did rub off some of his recently applied instant tan!!! Honestly, that guy is rapidly becoming an embarassment to the rest of us professional riders.

After bob had regained what was left of his lycras and his dignity we completed the trip without further accidents. The rapidly growing bulge in the side of my front tyre did remind me that it was time to spend some more money on the Dean Woods web site……..oh well a rider’s life is not a cheap one I guess.

Next ride planned for Tuesday 1st October